1. You believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.
2. You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free.”
3. You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
4. You believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box in the report card.
5. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.”
6. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
7. You have no social life between August and June.
8. Marking all A’s on report cards would make your life SO much easier.
9. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
10. You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
11. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the “lounge”.
12. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.
13. You can’t have children because there’s no name you could give a child that wouldn’t bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
14. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
15. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says, “I have a great idea I’d like to discuss. I think it would be fun.”
16. Meeting a child’s parent instantly answers the question, “Why is this kid like this?