Funny and serious things to say in English.

Comments on DESUGGESTOPEDIA anyone?

lulalele — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 00:42:49 +0000

I have posted a message at www.gilmaraelt.wordpress.com with an interview with the founder of Suggestopedia. Would you like to say something? Then, go there and write here. Thanks.

Luiz

WORKSHOP ON PRONUNCIATION!

lulalele — Fri, 24 Nov 2006 23:45:08 +0000

We, Rosa, Sandra and I, hope you really have fun and enjoy our pronunciation class on the 25 of November. We don´t intend to teach the phonemes – that would be much presumption. We just want everyone to have ideas to use in their classroom, and whatever your feelings on the class are, LOVE IT OR HATE IT, do say something.

Looking forward

Luiz

Thirteen thoughts to ponder today…….

lulalele — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 11:49:28 +0000

13. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway…
12. Life is sexually transmitted…
11. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die…
10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich..
9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks…
8. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs…
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing…
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again…
5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather.. It pays no attention to criticism…
4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???
3. In the 60′s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal…
2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first…
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: (THAT COMES FROM MY AMERICAN FRIEND)
You read about all these Terrorists. Most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration & Homeland Security…

YOU MIGHT BE A TEACHER IF..

lulalele — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 11:46:17 +0000

1. You believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.
2. You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free.”
3. You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
4. You believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box in the report card.
5. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.”
6. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
7. You have no social life between August and June.
8. Marking all A’s on report cards would make your life SO much easier.
9. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
10. You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
11. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the “lounge”.
12. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.
13. You can’t have children because there’s no name you could give a child that wouldn’t bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
14. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
15. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says, “I have a great idea I’d like to discuss. I think it would be fun.”
16. Meeting a child’s parent instantly answers the question, “Why is this kid like this?

I wanna be a bear!

lulalele — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 11:44:28 +0000

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat like crazy. I could deal with that, too.
If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.
If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yep….. I wanna be a bear.

Teachers Salaries

lulalele — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 11:43:15 +0000

I’m fed up with teachers and their hefty salary guides. What we need here is a little perspective. If I had my way, I’d pay these teachers myself…I’d pay them Babysitting wages. That’s right. Instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I’d give them R$3.00 an hour out of my own pocket. And I’m only going to pay them for five hours, not coffee breaks. That would be R$15.00 a day. Each parent should pay R$15 a day for these teachers to babysit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it’s still cheaper than private day care. Now, how many children do they teach in a day, maybe twenty? That’s R$15 X 20 = R$300 a day. But remember they only work 180 days a year! I’m not going to pay them for all those vacations. R$300 X180 = R$54,000. (Just a minute, I think my calculator needs batteries.) I know you teachers will say, “What about those who have ten years of experience and a Master’s degree?” Well, maybe, (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage, and instead of just babysitting, they could read the kids a story. We can round that off to about R$5.00 an hour, times 5 hours, times 20 children…R$5.00 X 5 X 20. That’s R$500 a day times 180 days. That’s R$90,000. HUH? Wait a minute…! Let’s get a little perspective here. Babysitting wages are too good for those teachers. Did anyone see a salary guide around here???!!!

It’s a teacher thing, you wouldn’t understand…

lulalele — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 11:40:04 +0000

Are you a true elementary school teacher? Let’s find out:

1. Do you ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home?
2. Do you move your dinner partner’s glass away from the edge of the table?
3. Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends?
4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes?
5. Do you refer to happy hour as “snack time”?
6. Do you declare “no cuts” when a shopper squeezes ahead of you in a checkout line?
7. Do you say “I like the way you did that” to the mechanic who repairs your car nice?
8. Do you ask “Are you sure you did your best?” to the mechanic who fails to repair your car to your satisfaction? 9. Do you sing the “Alphabet Song” to yourself as you look up a number in the phone book?
10. Do you say everything twice? I mean, do you repeat everything?
11. Do you fold your spouse’s fingers over the coins as you hand him/her the money at a tollbooth?
12. Do you ask a quiet person at a party if he has something to share with the group?
________________________________________________________
EVALUATION

* If you answered yes to 4 or more, it’s in your soul–you are hooked on teaching. And if you’re not a teacher, you missed your calling.
* If you answered yes to 8 or more, well, maybe it’s *too much* in your soul–you should probably begin thinking about retirement.
* If you answered yes to all 12, forget it–you’ll *always* be a teacher, retired or not!

Things That Took Me 30 Years To Learn

lulalele — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 11:34:57 +0000

* Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
* If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
* There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
* And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
* You should not confuse your career with your life.
* No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
* When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often that individual is crazy.
* Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Never lick a steak knife.
* Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
* The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
* You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
* There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
* The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
* The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
* A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
* Your friends love you anyway.
*Always remember that if you are all wrapped up in yourself, you’ve got a pretty small package.

What really kills you!

lulalele — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 11:31:27 +0000

It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:
The Japanese eat relatively little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink relatively little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink generous amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and other fatty foods and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Beauty of a Woman

lulalele — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 11:29:14 +0000

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman with passing years — only grows.